There was a Time I Couldn’t Pray…

In 2006, we got my late husband’s cancer diagnosis. Such. Hard. News.

I grew up with a strong faith system! A strong belief in God and the power of prayer. I have spent the majority of my life taking time to lift people and situations up to God!

When I first got the news that cancer was now part of our lives, I turned the radio on and the Beatles song, “Let It Be“, filled the room. I was surrounded by the knowledge that God would be with me.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

The Beatles

Over the next both long, and very short, ten months, I found myself in isolation. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends and family that checked on me, but we spent a lot of time in Cleveland for treatment. I was not on social media at this time, so there were long stretches of solitude.

I was in such pain, working to be strong for Tom and our girls, I could not find words to pray.

It was then that I relied on others and God to carry my family and I. The Footprints Poem became my reality. I also learned that even though I could not find the words to pray….

‘Tears are prayers too… They are words too heavy for the mouth to utter but are the perfect interpretation of the soul’s afflictions.’

You never know what someone is going through….they may need you to carry their prayers! I often heard people say, ‘you’re so strong!’, ‘I don’t know how you are doing this!’ Little did they know, I was crumbling on the inside!

I will tell you it was a long time….YEARS…before I truly allowed myself to grieve and actually work through some of the pain. It felt like, if I opened that place, I would drown in my sorrow. The grief never completely leaves, it comes in waves. The good news is…God never leaves, either! God truly does hear our cries and carry us through those times!

What’s In Store: A Time I Couldn’t Pray

I want this post to bring a smile, not tears! I want it to be a positive message of coming through the darkness and blooming! I can’t even tell you why I chose to share this today! I have to trust that somebody needs to hear it and know that God sees every tear and they are received with the cries of your heart! It may even feel like a ‘time you couldn’t pray!’ Those tears are planting seeds that will help you bloom again!

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